🧘‍♀️ THREE PANCHAKARMAS: The Good, The Grimy, and The Luxurious

\Three Panchakarma's: A Detox Odyssey (Or: How I Learned to Love the Enema)

After fielding countless inquiries and referral requests, I'm finally spilling the ghee on my three panchakarma experiences. I'm no ayurvedic expert, but having survived three of these detox adventures—all two years apart—I've gathered some tales worth sharing.

What's fascinating is how different they've all been: intimate and intense in Tasmania, chaotically authentic in India, and surprisingly luxurious in Kerala. Here's the breakdown.

1. Tasmania, Australia - February 2020 - 14 Days
**The Vibe:** Boutique panchakarma meets Aussie practicality

Run by an Australian yoga teacher partnered with a 5th generation Indian vaidya (doctor), this was my gateway drug. At around $2,500 (now double that—best don't delay), it felt accessible and, crucially, didn't require a passport.

The venue was a large rented home near Launceston with just four participants—physically impossible for one therapist to handle more given each treatment takes 60-90 minutes and you get two daily. One room had been plastic-sheathed into a treatment space. 

The Daily Rhythm:
- Dawn yoga nidra and pranayama (no asanas, we were too busy detoxing)
- Morning ghee shots (amount determined by pulse check—like a spiritual breathalyzer)
- Sattvic meals: porridge and stewed fruits for breakfast, non-spiced dhal or kitchari with roasted veggies for lunch
- Dinner? Honestly can't remember if we even had it
- Evening Hindu stories and mantra chanting

The Treatments:
Standard panchakarma sequence—daily abhyanga oil massage, plus a rotating cast including hot herb poultices, milk and rice paste massages, overnight enemas (many, many overnight enemas), nasya (steaming my head over medicated liquid that felt like it was excavating my sinuses), and shirodhara (warm oil stream over the forehead—actually blissful).

The Rules:
No leaving the premises. No going outside without doctor approval. Too sunny? No. Too windy? No. Too cold? Also no. We were basically house-arrested for wellness.

The Reality Check:
Day two hit me like a truck—extreme body aches, bouts of diarrhea, crushing exhaustion. Looking back, it was probably coffee withdrawal masquerading as detox. The first week was brutal depletion; the second week brought stunning clarity and vitality.

Small participant numbers meant limited social stimulation (and I was the only one without an ensuite—hello, shared bathroom with the retreat leaders). But they were lovely, even sending me home with a flask of kitchari so I could avoid airport food.

Verdict - Challenging but effective. I emerged feeling crystalline.

2. Raju Clinic, Hyderabad, India - March 2022 - 21 Days
The Vibe: Ayurvedic boot camp for spiritual overachievers

After Rishikesh's International Yoga Festival, my friend Rachel and I headed to these doctors—supposedly the best in the game, having treated the Maharishi himself.

First Impressions:
Arrived 10pm. Rachel got a spacious second-floor room with big windows overlooking a beautiful tree. I got a windowless cell with a broken AC, deafening fan, filthy bathroom, and aggressive mosquitoes. I was a cranky, whinging mess by morning while Rachel bounced in fresh and chirpy.

Zero onboarding. No orientation. We accosted the first white person we saw for information. (She'd been expecting this—apparently it's tradition.)

The System:
Daily schedules via WhatsApp group. Crowded waiting rooms. Brief but *eerily accurate* pulse checks with Dr. Krishna, who nailed my constitution, spotted minor thyroid issues, and correctly identified a childhood bike accident. When I said I'd booked 14 days, he simply replied: "You have to stay for 21."

I immediately requested a room change. Moved twice, upgrading from windowless horror to bathroom-still-filthy-but-at-least-there's-a-balcony to rooftop-room-with-views. The bathrooms never improved.

The Setting:
A gated suburban community with different houses serving different functions—accommodation, dining hall, temple—all about 100 meters apart. Treatment rooms 400 meters away through a park. And remember: we're in India. Nothing is glamorous.

The twice-daily park walks were pleasant despite the heat. Men doing rapid-fire kundalini-style yoga. Women beaming beautiful smiles. An exercise area reserved one hour daily for women (depressingly necessary but appreciated).

The Treatments:
Small, oil-slicked rooms. Same two technicians daily (one mature in a sari, one young in Western wear—both lovely). Excellent treatments: 60-90 minute abhyanga massages, hot poultices, milk rice paste, nasya (this time involving heavy blankets soaked in boiling water while inhaling burning herbs—*torturous*), and rejuvenation massages. Nightly foot and head massage plus relevant enemas delivered to your room.

The Food:
No daily ghee, but recommended morning milk from the dining hall. Sattvic, tasty, non-spicy meals delivered from the doctor's family home, served in compartmentalized metal trays. Rice, vegetables, dhal. Treatment days meant congee only.

The Social Scene:
This is where it got interesting. A revolving door of transnational guests—some there three months, others popping in for days. Dominated by TM meditators from Fairfield, Iowa (Maharishi International University). When Rachel said her meditation practice was "I just close my eyes and see what happens," she got scoffed at. Lesson learned: research TM vs. Vedic meditation before engaging.

But mostly everyone was friendly—LA actors, London meditation school owners, doctors, psychologists. Thirty detoxifying neo-spiritualist meditators in a hot, challenging environment. Big Brother: Ayurveda Edition.

Unlike Tasmania, we could leave anytime. Many ventured to the busy main street. I stayed in—that chaos fried my nervous system.

The Detox:
Similar discomfort to round one but slightly less intense (I'd already reduced coffee in my two weeks prior in India). Extreme exhaustion giving way to big energy and clarity. Lost a few kilos, though the minimal-food days definitely contributed.

Verdict:
Tricky to recommend. High-level pulse diagnosis with minimal explanation. Excellent treatments in severely lacking conditions. Hot, sticky, dirty, uncomfortable—I was fragile. But it delivered what it promised. I left highly rejuvenated and, surprisingly, would consider returning (like so many repeat guests).

You have to go low to go high. A lesson in patience, perseverance, and equanimity in the face of adversity.

3. Dheemahi Ayurvedic Village, Kumarakom, Kerala - Jan/Feb 2026 - 15 Days
The Vibe: Panchakarma goes to a health resort

After a 16-night Tamil Nadu temple tour, I was ready for round three. I'd been asking around for Kerala referrals but nothing felt right—until I found this place while googling.

The Selling Points:
- Glowing Australian video testimonial
- Flashy but not overdone marketing
- 25-meter salt water lap pool (this was THE selling point for literally everyone)
- Mid-range price (~$150 AUD/day)
- Natural beauty
- 6-hour drive from where I'd be

I sat with it. It felt right.

Arrival:
Showed up at 8pm, stoked with my ground-floor room with fly-screened balcony overlooking the pool. Pre-dawn practice the next morning, and when I opened my eyes from meditation: pink sunrise right in front of me. Confirmation—I'd made the right choice.

The Medical Approach:
Hour-long initial consultation with questionnaires and a *machine pulse reading* (hello, 21st century). Email results. Chat with senior doctor who basically said I was healthy, so what did I want? My answer: detox and rejuvenation. Two more consults throughout my stay—no daily pulse checks, but daily blood pressure and standard questions about appetite, sleep, energy, bowel movements.

My Daily Routine:
- 2-3 treatments daily (similar repertoire to before)
- 50 laps in the pool
- Long pre-dawn yin sessions (accompanied by the nearby Shiva temple's 5:30am microphone-projected chants)
- Evening practice from my Chennai yoga therapy consult
- Pranayama and meditation practices 
- Study, blog writing, photo organization
- Set intention: don't overeat (South Indian food is *very* good)

The Inhabitants:
Mostly wealthy Indian-born folks now in America or Canadian citizens—very friendly, loud, strong personalities and opinions. Germans and French took a few days to crack open. Westerners = instant conversation. It's a revolving door of constant arrivals and departures. I love these random deep conversations with strangers.

The Location:
Five-minute bike ride to a small village (went once for ATM/tips). Beautiful but dirty waterways flowing to a big lake, with weekly boat ride included. Many sunrise ambles on quiet narrow streets—women's faces, saris, and jewelry shining at you; men just looking.

The Luxury Factor:
This was *luxury* compared to my previous experiences. Clean. Gardens like Bali. The pool was everything. Two yoga sessions offered daily (but I chose my own practice).

Verdict:
Would I recommend it? **Yes, with a disclaimer.** I'm healthy with no major issues. I went to detox, rest, and rejuvenate—and it delivered beautifully. But if you have specific health issues, choose a less resort-style place—one of the proper Ayurvedic hospital-type clinics. I've heard miraculous stories firsthand.

Would I return? Yes. But the explorer in me says keep venturing into the unknown rather than taking the comfortable route. It was pleasant, and I left feeling lighter physically and mentally, deeply nourished inside and out.

The Takeaway

Three panchakarmas, three wildly different experiences. Tasmania was intimate intensity, Hyderabad, india was authentic chaos, Kerala was comfortable luxury. Each served its purpose. Each taught me something about letting go—whether that's coffee, comfort, or control.

Would I do a fourth? Yes.